Built for the Hobo in all of us

I feel dirty. Not dirty meaning perverted. Well, I often feel perverted, so I guess I don't feel exceptionally perverted. I mean I feel like I am covered in dirt. Yes, it IS because of the grocery store I recently had the opportunity, and I WILL refer to it as an opportunity, to shop at.
Though I am a native of the surrounding area, I have not spent a terrible amount of time in Passaic, NJ. Sure, I went to the Loop Lounge once, we've all made mistakes, right? But most of my experience in Passaic has been highway driving in between Clifton and other parts of Clifton. But recently I discovered the nearby FoodBa$ics and decided to stop in to pick up a few essentials.
FoodBa$ics is the store they opened so they could sell all the shit that fell off of the trucks making deliveries to A&P. So, you are inundated with dented Americas Choice cans of soup and mildly bent cardboard boxes of Crispy Rice cereal. This is fine by me, as I don't enjoy spending more than $.68 for a can of chicken broth.
You also have the unique opportunity,and YES I will AGAIN call it an opportunity, to load up on anything manufactured by the companies "Tampico" and "Bimbo."
I do feel that there are certain rules you have to abide by when shopping at the FoodBa$ics. It is tantamount to items you can order at the diner. Sure, that stock photo of the salmon fillet LOOKS delicious, but you probably shouldn't risk the possible effects that Greasy Spoon fish will have on the human body (ironically, Corned Beef Hash is an acceptable, and encouraged, option).
FoodBa$ics Rules
A BW Charter:
1) DO NOT BUY MEAT
2) DO NOT BUY PRODUCE
3) OVERLY COLORED "JUICE'-LIKE PRODUCTS ARE OK, BUT CARRY A CERTAIN SOCIAL STIGMA THAT YOU PROBABLY DON'T WANT TO CARRY
4) DO NOT TOUCH THE OTHER CUSTOMERS (despite the overwhelming desire you may have to ram them repeatedly with your shopping cart)
5) GET IN, GET WHAT YOU NEED, GET OUT (the staff doesn't want yo there any more than you want to be there)

So, as long as we are all able to abide by these few simple, easy to follow, rules, shopping at FoodBa$ics in Passaic should be a relatively pleasant experience for us all. Stick to non-perishables. Don't hassle the locals. DO bring cash, because afterwards, you will probably decide you want to hit up Platinum Dollz located caddy-corner...yes, I am telling the truth
-BW

P.S.
I'll leave you here with a thought...not grocery related.
I am sure you will agree that it sounds absurdly crazy:
"Hey, let's go to the strip club...in Passaic...that is darkly lit...on a side street."

Somehow I doubt they are able to pull out the A-Team there